One of the most common complaints about marriage is that women often feel lonely within their relationship. Loneliness in marriage is not fun. In fact, it’s heartbreaking. The reason you joined with your mate is to share things together but now, it seems as if all you share is a bed…if in fact you still share that.
Ten Reasons
Here are the top 10 reasons I have found for loneliness in marriage that can stem from you, him or both of you:
Disconnection
Unfaithfulness
Disinterest
Changes in life
Insecurity issues
Feeling trapped
Feeling controlled
Wanting to control
Depression and other mental conditions
Uncertainty
Some Solutions
I don’t know about you, but I am all about finding solutions, especially when it comes to my marriage. Below are some that I have found to be especially helpful:
Become Whole
Sometimes, we depend on our spouse to make us complete. A marriage (or any relationship) is designed to be two full circles interlocking. If we are not a whole circle, there is a missing link. In order to fulfill the circle, we mooch off his circle. In the event that he is not a whole circle, there are unsurmountable problems within the relationship. Psychologist call it being “co-dependent”. The Bible calls it being “whole”. No matter your term for depending upon your partner to make you complete, the fact is that he cannot possibly do so. Turning to God for your wholeness is the ultimate answer. You can also build up your self-confidence and self-esteem. Know that when you are not whole, you are cheating yourself…and your spouse.
Bring Back to Common Ground
If you are feeling alienated from your spouse, chances are that the two of you have grown apart. Why not think of some things you have in common that the two of you can talk about together and better yet, things you can do together? If you are hard-pressed to find anything, think back to the things you said and did together when you were first together. If you still come up empty-handed, it’s time to create some common ground. And if all else fails, simply determine to become involved in things he is interested in like football, cars, etc. It may be difficult to do but not near as hard as it is to suffer loneliness in marriage.
Communication is Everything
Sometimes you just have to talk about it. Let your spouse know that you are feeling lonely. If you are lucky, he’ll open his arm and his heart and offer to do anything he can to help. But in the real world, it doesn’t always happen like that. Be sure to approach it in a non-accusing way by using phrases like “I feel…” rather than “You make me feel…”. Realize that there may be a chance your relationship needs some assistance from an outside source if the two of you cannot effectively communicate.
Get to the Root
Above there are ten of the most common reasons a person may feel lonely in a marriage. Your marriage may fit into one of the categories or it may be in trouble for a totally different reason. It’s a good idea to spend some time finding out what is at the source of your feelings to determine what can be done about it. Once you have done that and have identified the problem, be willing to stop at nothing to resolve the issue. Do note that if there is a fault within your spouse and he is unwilling to change it, you may have to practice patience and cover it in prayer. You can only change things within yourself, remember.
Don’t Forget the Three Strand Cord
The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes that a three-fold cord is not easily broken. If your husband is a Christian, that Third Cord is the one that will strengthen your unity. Depend upon Him and ask Him to help your feelings of loneliness fade away into victorious ones. If your husband is not a Christian, remember that the prayers of a righteous woman availeth much. Pray daily for your husband to become a Christian and for Jesus to intervene.
Loneliness in marriage is one of the worst feelings ever. You may feel unloved, unwanted, unworthy and unconnected. But by taking a step with the solutions above, you will be headed down the right path.
If you are lonely in your marriage, you are not alone. I too experienced loneliness until we were able to sit down and communicate my concerns. When you are ready, I am available to talk to you concerning loneliness. You can connect with me by sending an email to info@tschannataylor.com.