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Communication: Five Ways to Level Up

“We used to talk all the time.”  You hear it over and over and you may be saying the same thing about your relationship with your boyfriend, fiancé or husband right now.  Without good communication, any relationship will suffer, especially intimate ones. If you feel that the fire has gone out of you love life and your communication is in jeopardy, it’s time to level up.  Here are five great ways to do it.

  1. The more you know, the more you’ll grow! When you invest some time and energy into learning more about communication, you will master the art and yes…it is an art.  Read about it in books, do searches online and glean from people you know who are great at it.

Did you know that there are four basic levels of communication?  There’s the “how’s the weather?” impersonal small-talk.  The second kind where you open up enough to give your opinion or ideas on a subject.  Level three is personal, like when you express your feelings.  And the most intense of all is sharing your spiritual side on a heartfelt level.  Putting all four levels of communication into play will help lift your relationship to a higher plain.  The more you learn about expressing yourself, the better you will be at it.  Hopefully, your partner will follow suit.

  1. Learn to listen. Did you know that listening is a huge part of communication?  Communication is much more than talking.  When you nod your head, shoot a smile at him, wink your eye or look intently into his eyes, you are using body language skills that speak volumes.

Being a great listener takes practice.  It takes focus too.  Determine not to be distracted by your cell phone, the television, the kids or anything else.  Devote your attention to your man.  Let him know he is important to you and is worth listening to.  Do this and I can guarantee your relationship will be exalted.  Everyone needs to know that they are loved and appreciated and that what they have to say matters.

  1. Set communication goals. It’s a great idea to make a plan to improve.  If your communication skills are lacking in any or all of the four levels, commit to brushing up on them.  Dedicate some time for learning more about communication and set a time limit for doing so.  Allot a certain amount of time per day to devote to talking to your man without interruption.  Anything that can improve your communication, put it on your list of goals and put it into motion.

It may sound silly but keeping a communication log is an excellent idea.  You will be more likely to reach your goals when you have them in writing.  You will also be able to chart your progress and don’t forget to reward yourself for strides forward.

  1. Quality and quantity matter. Guys are funny creatures.  They don’t always understand the value of chit-chat.  While, of course, you do want to be able to just ramble with him at times, make sure that a good part of the time you are actually engaging in interesting conversation.  Talk about things he likes such as sports, hunting or zombies if he’s into them.

Choosing a good time to talk is optimal.  If you try to strike up a meaningful conversation during the Super Bowl, you may get your feelings hurt.  It’s also advisable to keep your conversation relatively short and to the point, especially if your man in a “to the point” kind of guy as most are.  You can branch out later and go for talk-marathons like the two of you probably used to do but at first, it’s best to keep it simple.

  1. Learn from the Teacher. God is the Ultimate Teacher when it comes to everything and communication is certainly no exception.  He actually created us for that very purpose, to communicate with Him.  So, yeah…it’s that important!

As you are talking (and listening) to your boyfriend, fiancé or husband, try to keep in mind what Jesus would do.  When you go to Him in prayer, you know you can do so without being shamed, ignored or talked over.  Doing the same for your man will make for heavenly communication.

One last thought is when you are spending time in prayer, why not ask God to be Lord of your every word and to bless your relationship with great communication?

It’s true that communication is a two-way street but it’s got to start somewhere and since you are the only one you have control over, it might as well start with you, right?  The good news is that great communication is contagious.  It’s inviting.  The more you practice the five steps above, the more your significant other will want to engage in conversation with you.  Now… that’s what I’m talking about!

Note:  Communication is important where others are concerned too.  Sometimes we just need a friend to talk to.  I’m here for you so don’t hesitate to get in touch by sending me an email at

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